I need to tell you that I had a breakdown yesterday mid-I afternoon. I still managed to have a good day. That’s my new normal.
I have had to have medical intervention for my anxiety. It’s not just being a “worry wart”. It’s not being a pessimist. For me, anxiety is this fear of being unprepared–that the other shoe is going to drop, that the good won’t last long enough, that I could be blind-sided at any moment.
In a COVID-19-infected world, my anxiety has gone up, and I self-manage it the best I can.
Here’s what I know:
I never have been germ-phobic. I don’t think my worries about COVID are going to morph into a generalized germ phobia. So that’s win!
I have not always done well in crowds. People not maintaining a social distance is really irking me. That’s one of the things that triggered my breakdown yesterday while getting groceries.
As soon as I feel I’ve taken reasonable measures to protect myself, I feel better. For me, that’s keeping my mask on in public, disinfecting my grocery cart, wiping down my shoes and keys after going out, washing my hands a reasonable amount of times, and drinking hot herbal tea after outings. A feeling of safety and being able to protect myself helps ease the anxiety.
No amount of ruminating makes things better. There’s very little I could say or do this moment that would change anything. I can only change how I respond, if I respond at all. Sometimes the best course of action is to do nothing or to do less. It’s hard when you’ve built your identity around being a do-er or achiever. I’ve needed to pivot to how can I be helper, and more particularly, how can I best help myself–first?
If you’re going through this pandemic with anxiety, I feel ya. It’s not easy. It’s hard to have a siege mentality at the grocery store. It’s hard to watch people flout rules and guidelines. Help yourself by taking care of yourself as best you can, first.