Your opinion of me is none of my business.
That was one of my biggest lessons and pains in the last two years. What other people think of me doesn’t matter. It’s hard to get people to change their opinions or what they think they “know”. At the end of the day, what you think of you matters, because that’s the springboard of change. Only you can change you. No one’s opinion is going to change you.
Too often, we’re weighed down emotionally by other’s opinions. And most people’s opinions are only partially informed at best, and too often, projections of their own insecurity at worst.
Most of of my life has been an act of translation. I’m left handed, so I learned early how to adapt. I know what to use my left hand for and what to use my right hand for. Even in my adulthood though, I’m flexible enough to experiment. Last week I learned that eating with my right hand slows me down and that helps me to take more time to enjoy what I’m eating.
People’s opinions still matter to me, but they matter less. What used to mortify me now just annoys me. People’s attempts to shame stick less. Opinions are like assholes–everyone has one. That doesn’t mean you have to show it to everyone. After a lot of opinions from a lot of assholes, you realize that no one has a unique opinion. Opinions and biases are shared, for better and worse.
It’s a long road to get out of the approval trap, to seek fulfillment in lieu of validation. You may not always do everything “right”.
Everything may not be the “way it’s supposed to be” or ideal. Ideals aren’t real. The reality of you is so much important that the ideas you want others to have of you.
Try to be kind to yourself and be flexible. Adapt to your needs, not someone else’s projection of what you could or should be.
Kristin West 