Venus in Pisces: Love is a Glamorous Prison with Sea Monsters

So many folks are excited about Venus in Pisces.  Yes,  it’s an ideal time for love.  Venus is in exaltation with Pisces, but my Capricornian caution needs to air out some stuff about Venus in Pisces.

Full Disclosure:  I have Venus in Pisces in my natal 10th.

I know this placement.  I walk this placement.

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First things first, look around you and think about a Pisces you’ve known.  A bestie?  A challenging teacher?  A parent?  An ex? How do you feel about them?  Good, bad or indifferent? With Venus in Pisces, that Pisces that you may have never even thought about or would have considered now has a touch of Venusian glamour–and friends, glamour is fleeting.  Cupid may have struck you with his little arrow, but that love wound may hurt and bleed once Venus moves out of Pisces.  Use your common sense.  If you have a bad past with a Pisces ex now may not be the time to revisit that relationship unless you’ve both done some major inner work.

Pisces is linked to Neptune and the Twelfth House.  Neptune is the planet of illusions.  Neptune is the planet of movie-making, of myths and of sacrifice.   There’s definitely a “risking it all for love” vibe floating around.  Now that’s lovely, but your mythic, epic lover-hero may have need to pass a credit and background check first.  Attend to the practicals.  We’re more likely to feel spiritually attuned to a mate, but “as above, so below”, so be sure to attend to the below, real world stuff!  Don’t make excuses for bad behavior because the target of your infatuation is healing his or her core spiritual wound.  Keep it real, even if it feels like a dream-come-true.  That’s Neptune, causing that dreaminess.

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The Twelfth House is also identified with the Latin word “carcer”, which means “prison”.  With Venus in Pisces, love is a prison–albeit a glamorous prison.  It’s very tempting with Venus in Pisces to create or consent to a little gilded cage for you and lovey.  This can be little rules and protocols that eventually become big co-dependency.  This can also feel like being taken hostage, especially if you’re in an unrequited love scenario, or waiting on someone to decide whether to commit or not.  There’s also some atonement here, or a debt that has to be repaid.  We go to prison because we owe a debt to society.  Spiritual debts become due and sometimes the repayment terms are not to our liking.  Unlike the Saturnian Tenth House, where we can clearly see the obstacles in our path, the Neptunian Twelfth House presents challenges that seem to surface seemingly from nowhere.  The truth is, the challenges were always there, we just were deluded into NOT acknowledging them, often because we failed to go deep enough.  When Venus is Pisces, it’s easy to mistake the charming Venusian surface for a deep, spiritual, transcendent connection if we are not present and aware.  Feel the love but keep those feet on the ground and your eyes and ears open!

The Twelfth House also rules our subconscious–and with Venus in Pisces, love is  like a deep ocean with some interesting sea monsters just floating around.  One minute, all is fine and well and the next minute you’ve discovered you’re in love with the Kraken.  The inner sea monster of bae becomes painfully visible, often without warning.  With Venus in Pisces happening while the sun is in Aries, be aware that the lover that may be charming and accommodating now may expect it to be all about them by late April.

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Venus in Pisces is a charmed time, in every sense.  Just because the stars have aligned though, doesn’t mean that you should lose yourself in love.  That’s exactly what the more toxic Venus in Pisces seems to want us to do–merge and enmesh completely with the beloved.  Look at the glyph for Pisces, though.  It’s two fish, close together, but not tethered, not caged, free to swim how they please, but choosing to swim together, and that’s what Venus in Pisces should be.  Now go find that swimming buddy!

Why “Stupid” Rhymes with “Cupid”

There’s a reason “Cupid” rhymes with “stupid”.

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Love and lust are in the air.  Has Cupid made you stupid?  Naturally as Valentine’s Day creeps up on us on the heels of dreamy Pisces, our thoughts naturally turn to love.  What is love?  Why are we so perplexed by it?

So often, I get asked “I am a ________, so would a Taurus be good for me?”  And the answer is “I don’t know.” We’re so accustomed to just looking at sun signs in pop astrology.  A chart is complex.  It has angles and conflicts–and that’s just one person’s chart.  When you look at two people’s charts, it gets vastly more complicated–the same way people themselves are complicated.  The relationship becomes an entity in and of itself.

There’s a lot of great astrology experts out there who really nail it with synastry in detail-the pesky angles and such.  Volumes have been written on this. Two of the best books out there about the down and dirty of love and sex are Sextrology and Cosmic Coupling, both by Starsky & Cox.  If you’re really wanting to know about that special Taurus and their kinks (or lack thereof), those are the tomes for you.   My discussion here is based on heterosexual relationships, but Starksky & Cox really illuminate LGBTQ astrology couplings in awesome ways and I recommend their books whatever your sexual preference is.

Here are some of my observations about synastry.

Venus–Yes, Venus is the planet of love.  You’ll want to really pay attention to Venusian aspects in the charts, but Venus is also a planet of glamour.  People often forget that glamour has it’s origins in magick, particularly deceit.  Venus had her “bag of tricks” and Venus can deceive you to get what she wants and make you enjoy it.  Venus is often how a woman deceives and/or how man is vulnerable to romantic deception in a heterosexual relationship.  Venus is not faithful.  She does not inspire or look for fealty.  Venus is not a wifely archetype.  True love may not be signaled by Venus aspects alone.

Mars–Mars is passion.  What would you fight for and what would you die for?  Mars also makes war and if you’re not sure someone is “The One”, this is the place to gauge what they’ll be like in a break-up or a divorce.  Mars is how we fight and what we weaponize.  The tension between Mars and Venus is often what most of our love and lust games are, the push/pull of attraction.

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If you really want to see Mars in action at the most basic, primal level, watch the NatGeo channel and watch two stags gore each other during mating season competing for a mate.  That’s Mars.  Crimes of passion come from Mars while Venus looks on reveling in what her glamour has caused.

The Moon and Saturn also lights the way here.  Of course, the moon is important in synastry.  The moon is our deep yin, our emotional well that waxes and wanes.  The moon is also attractive, like Venus, but it’s rhythmic, like the tides.  The moon in a chart is also talking about our mothers.  Who are we because of how we were mothered?

Saturn is an outer planet and mostly we talk about Saturn and career, obstacles, time and the infamous Saturn return.  Saturn also rules our fathers and fatherhood.  Any tensions or dissonance between parenting styles, any commitment baggage you have  because of your parents’ relationship will reveal itself when the Moon and Saturn have tense aspects.  So many people get hitched right around the first Saturn return near age 27 or divorced that Saturn needs to be paid attention to in synastry.  Saturn is also the lord of karma and so many relationships are veritable Russian nesting dolls of karmic baggage.  Both the moon and Saturn are keepers of time and when a relationship “clicks” or you feel in “the same place” it very well may be that moons and Saturns are manifesting positive aspects.

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To that end, if you’re meditating every damn day, cleansing those chakras regularly and still unlucky in love, it might be time to take a nice honest look at your lunar nodes.  This is not a medical procedure!  The North Node of the moon or the dragon’s head, is your true North–the direction you are supposed to go, what you need to learn.  The South Node, the dragon’s tail, is the skills and coping mechanisms from prior lives that you need to rely less on.  Some relationships are deeply karmic–for better or worse.  You’re either on the path together or pulling each other off the path.  Sometimes you’re exchanging gifts and teaching each other, in healthy enough relationships where the nodes are in opposition between the lovers.  Feel like you’re chasing your tail with bae?  The answer might be here in the Dragon’s tail.

If you thought that was heavy, let’s talk about Lilith.  Hellenic Zeus (Jupiter in the chart) and Judaic Adam have something in common–a wife they got in a power struggle with before they “settled” with their principal wives, Hera and Eve, respectively.  For Zeus, this starter wife was Metis, mother of Athena and for Adam, this was Lilith.  Metis was the mother of the son who was prophecied to overthrow Zeus.  Metis helped Zeus overthrow Cronus (Saturn) with her potion-making skills and then Zeus swallowed her whole.  Before Eve, there’s a tale that Adam’s first wife, Lilith, was also formed from clay.  She refused to have sex in missionary position and submit to him and she rebelled and fornicated with demons.  Fun! There’s a lot of back and forth about Lilith–whether to use the asteroid or do what’s called a Black Moon Lilith calculation.  I look at both.

For a man, Lilith is a threat to his autonomy and his status.  She is the one who got away most likely because he pushed her away.  She is the one he wasn’t quite mature enough to handle.  She’s also the type of woman he’d have an affair with but not commit to.  She’s powerful.  She’s forbidden and she’s totally necessary to his story, even if she’s not what he “settles” for.

In a woman’s chart, Lilith impels a woman to buck male authority when it doesn’t suit her.  Lilith starts her demon fornication binge when she feels used, treated like dirt, subjugated instead of cherished, when she feels like a stepping stone and when she’s hemmed in to the detriment of her own freedom and personal development.    For this reason, I’d argue that Jupiter and Lilith need to be looked at together too.  If a man’s Jupiter makes a tense aspect to a woman’s Lilith, it will probably start hot and end up heartbreaking.  Lilith is a woman’s capacity for vengeance when provoked.

The planets dance in and out of “houses”.  House placements are determined by your rising sign, the time of your birth, and the rising sign for me is the first impression or mask that you wear for the world. The first place most astrologers look for marriage compatibility at is the 7th house, the house of Marriage and Partnership. If you have many planets in a particular house, that house will probably need a lot of attention.  I have five planets in my natal 7th and it gets COMPLICATED.

For me, all houses may have info I need.The natal 4th house, how we make a home together is important.  I would also suggest a nice, long look in the natal 12th house, which elucidates illusions, fantasies, delusions and captivity.  Too often, we project our fantasies and fears on our partners.

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My last pro-tip is this:  How much of your natal sun and/or natal moon is reflected in your partner’s chart?  How much light are your bringing to their life and they to yours?  The sun lights and powers everything and the moon illuminates us through the darkest of times.  Conjunctions to the natal sun and moon bode well in synastry.  Look for the light.

I am usually very cocksure about my astrological opinions.  However, in the game or dance or drama of love, astrology is NOT destiny.  A perfect chart, with beautiful trines and conjunctions, does not guarantee an epic love story.  So often, we look for the good in a chart and a person and just ignore what doesn’t suit us or make excuses for it.  That’s when we have the heavy-hitting outer planets, Saturn, Neptune, Pluto and Uranus–limits, illusions, transformation and disruption, respectively, to shake our relationships up during their planetary transits.  The chart itself doesn’t speak to the spiritual or emotional maturity of the people either.  All the beautiful conjunctions and trines in the chart won’t make you a mature, self-aware, self-actualizing adult.  That’s on you.

My wish for you this Valentine’s Day is that you find the sync in synastry. If you want me to pull your chart, contact me here.

 

Body Positivity: You are a Human Evolving

Copy of Copy of Copy of body positivityEvery moment we are evolving, growing, changing.  New cells are formed, others die.  We are in a constant state of change.  Have compassion for where you are right now, not where you think you “should” be, but where you truly are.  You can evolve and change, but you also have to have a deep love for yourself and where you are today.  Part of having body positivity is embracing that you are human in a human body and that you are in a process of evolving.

Getting Personal Online

On this week’s What Women Want Talk Radio, Judy Goss and I explored how to make our digital dealings more personal with Olivia Poole and Ali Beck.

5.17 Turning DIgital Into Personal

Olivia Poole was frustrated when finding new friends  in a new city, so she invented, Hey!VINA, an app that connects women to each other, based on your social habits.  Night owls, nature lovers, wine connoisseurs and others all can find each other and make plans to socialize outside the app on her online platform.  Poole also created ladybrag.com, a site dedicated to helping women embrace their achievements large and small.  Too often, Poole said, women do not achieve what they are capable of because, unlike their male counterparts, they do not brag as much, so she created a space for women to do that.  I think this idea is amazing.  I admitted on air that sometimes I have inadequacy issues and I think this platform is a great way to remedy some of those feelings.

Ali Beck, kindergarten teacher-turned-dating expert, went on 20 dates in 30 days.  Beck has tried all the dating apps and in this interview offers insight to keep you happy, healthy and safe while looking for love.  With the advent of online dating, women have unique concerns when looking for love and Ali advises on how to avoid catfishing, bread-crumbing and ghosting.  Though not a dating app user myself, some of my relationships did start online and it was interesting to hear Ali’s thoughts as she shared her experiences.

Listen to the replay here!

Love is a Verb

Love is a verb.  Just as much as love is a feeling, love is what we do and don’t do for ourselves and others.

Love is:

Standing up for yourself and others.

Doing the thankless things that have to be done, whether anyone sees them, appreciates them or not.

Sharing.

Paying attention.

Comforting the hurting.

Saying thank you for no apparent reason.

 

Love is not:

money

gifts

fame

sex

Love is powerful, when you know what it is.

Love is liberating, when you know what it is not.