Too Much…Too This…Too That

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Too sensitive

Too bossy

Too loud

Too emotional…

If you’ve ever had the word “too” weaponized against you, you know how baffling and painful it is.  So many women have felt the pain of this three-letter word. I have and I am not allowing it to hurt me anymore.  Not now, not today, not ever again.  Someone’s hurtful use of the word “too” is now my marching orders to go further in that direction.

It’s brave to be who you are, as you are, in a world that says, “You’re too much” and yet never enough at the same time. Ladies, I am sorry that someone tried to dim your light.  I am sorry that someone tried to quiet you down.  I am sorry that someone tried to stunt your leadership growth.  I am proud of you that you kept shining, kept speaking and kept growing in spite of a world that says confusingly, often at the same time, that “you’re too much,” and will never be enough.  I’ve had enough of it, personally.

This International Women’s Month, this is my focus:  to reclaim the parts of me that were “too much” and to shush the nonsense monologue in my head that says I’ll never be enough for this romantic partner, or that job, or that level of income.  It’s time to kick “too much” and “never enough” out of our lives.  They’re two-word poison pills we keep swallowing that stunt our growth, joy and potential.

You are never too much.  You are beautiful and brilliant just as you are AND always enough.  Wishing you a healing International Women’s Month.

 

 

Weighty Self-Worth Issues

This week, I had a lesson in how valuable I am.  From time to time, we say to ourselves, “I’m valuable.  I’m important.  I have something to offer,” etc.  It’s easy to pay lip service to those affirmations, but it’s a whole different matter when we actually have to calculate our worth in real terms.  Yesterday night, I was crunching a bunch of numbers regarding some of my business ventures and I realized that I had a good sense of my worth.  I wasn’t asking “Who would want to pay for that?”  Instead, I was asking, “Who wouldn’t?”

Not everyone has had the epiphany I’ve had though.  It’s been well documented that skinnier women get paid more than heavier women and all women are touched by the gender pay gap in some way as well.

Freek Vermeulen explains:

Various studies have shown that overweight people are seen as less conscientious, less agreeable, less emotionally stable, less productive, lazy, lacking in self-discipline, and even dishonest, sloppy, ugly, socially unattractive, and sexually unskilled; the list goes on and on.* The stereotypes run so deep that even obese people hold these same discriminatory beliefs about other obese people.

It’s hard to stand up for what you’re worth as a plus size woman in the world.  It’s hard to fight years of stereotypes, especially the ones we’ve internalized and had used against us.  The saddest thing to me is that people with weight challenges do often hold these beliefs about others with weight issues.  I know I too struggle with this and I have to check myself.

Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of body positivity.pngToday’s the day to really ponder what you think you’re worth.  Are you short-selling yourself because you’ve told your body makes you “less than”?  You’re important and valuable whether you’re a size 0 or a size 5X.

Also, don’t forget to measure value in more abstract terms too.  Real dollars and cents make sense, but are you treated well at your work?  Do you feel valued and important?  Your paycheck may be adequate but the emotional cost of your work environment may be too much.  There are some things money can’t buy, and one of those things is a happy heart and an ebullient spirit.

I think one of the most freeing things that can happen for anyone struggling with body image issues is to get to that head space where you have “zero f**ks given”.  You’re just doing you.  That’s the zero you ultimately want to achieve.  Zero is not a size to achieve but an attitude to aspire to, where you know what makes you happy and you’re not allowing others to dictate to you what you should think and feel about yourself and others.  So that’s the zero that I wish all people get to–not a teensy weensy size but a big, bold attitude of self empowerment and self worth.

 

 

Feed Your Body & Your Spirit

Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of body positivityDo you have plans to do something nice for yourself today? Self care is an important part of well being so be sure to take some me time . So often we lose ourselves in the hustle and bustle and daily routine that we can’t hear that small inner voice that keeps us fresh, creative and ready . To be your best you,  you must honor that voice!

Self Care Ideas:

  1.  Explore a new neighborhood in your city.
  2. Give yourself 10 min away from the computer, turn your phone off, light some incense and just listen.
  3. Give yourself a facial or pedicure.
  4. Float in a pool. Just float.
  5. Buy yourself some flowers.
  6. Color!  There’s so many age-appropriate (aka adult) coloring books now!
  7. Grab some bubbles and blow bubbles.
  8. Dance to your favorite music, without or without friends.
  9. If you have a pet, cuddle with them!
  10. Try yoga nidra. (You’ll thank me!)

Remember, there’s only ONE you.  You are irreplaceable.

Take care yourself today & every day!

Getting Personal Online

On this week’s What Women Want Talk Radio, Judy Goss and I explored how to make our digital dealings more personal with Olivia Poole and Ali Beck.

5.17 Turning DIgital Into Personal

Olivia Poole was frustrated when finding new friends  in a new city, so she invented, Hey!VINA, an app that connects women to each other, based on your social habits.  Night owls, nature lovers, wine connoisseurs and others all can find each other and make plans to socialize outside the app on her online platform.  Poole also created ladybrag.com, a site dedicated to helping women embrace their achievements large and small.  Too often, Poole said, women do not achieve what they are capable of because, unlike their male counterparts, they do not brag as much, so she created a space for women to do that.  I think this idea is amazing.  I admitted on air that sometimes I have inadequacy issues and I think this platform is a great way to remedy some of those feelings.

Ali Beck, kindergarten teacher-turned-dating expert, went on 20 dates in 30 days.  Beck has tried all the dating apps and in this interview offers insight to keep you happy, healthy and safe while looking for love.  With the advent of online dating, women have unique concerns when looking for love and Ali advises on how to avoid catfishing, bread-crumbing and ghosting.  Though not a dating app user myself, some of my relationships did start online and it was interesting to hear Ali’s thoughts as she shared her experiences.

Listen to the replay here!