I want to stress that in unusual times, our usual coping mechanisms may not be enough. I am feeling that now, today. The past two days, I’ve been trying to buoy myself up with my usuals: a heavy workload, music I like, stand-up comedy, yoga and gong baths. Nothing is taking. I awake today, a person who’s experiencing pain and anxiety.
When the coping mechanisms fail, it doesn’t mean that you failed. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It means that you’re encouraged to grow and try something new. I did not fail because “what usually works” failed to bolster me up. I am challenged to grow, try and experiment today, and that’s what I will do.
Sometimes, we take too many cues from other people. They have something, so we should have something. They’re pursuing something, so we should pursue it too. Our #fomo overrides our common sense, and even worse, our #fomo leads us to look to others for what we truly want and so our lives our built on comparison and often, jealousy.
The last few weeks, I’ve been throwing around the word “success” often, but I hadn’t fully articulated to myself what success would be for me. I’d let the culture define what success was–a big house, a fast, expensive car, expensive stuff. My values had shifted, and my definition of success had indeed changed. I just didn’t realize it til a week and a half ago.
We have to get curious. Especially when we’re contemplating making big shifts, we must get curious about our assumptions. Would that fast car really make me happy or I am really angsty about the pace at which my ventures are progressing? Is that big house one I will be happy in or is what I truly desire to be able to travel more? Once we think we know our values, we get comfortable in them like an old shoe. And then, we tread very familiar paths in that old shoe til we feel lost.
If there’s part of your life that’s not working and/or not satisfying, it might be time to get curious about what you truly value. You may find that something’s shifted. Some values stay with us our whole lives, others shift as we learn, grow and experience.
Tomorrow, the Autumnal Equinox, is a great day to get a handle on what’s out of balance in our lives, which often means we’ve been overvaluing some things, people and situations, to the neglect of others. Unpack the buzzwords you’ve been aspiring to achieve. What’s success to you? Peace? Authenticity? Get specific and then there will be no #fomo.
Bill Carmody shared this insight during a recent appearance on What Women Want Talk Radio. What a profound insight. No one sees the many hours you put into your passion project or the years of training behind a ballerina’s perfect technique or how many failed jokes it takes for a comedian to find their voice. Listen LIVE at 6 PM PT every Wedneday on LA Talk Radio!
Keep going! And for more of Bill Carmody’s insights, listen here.